On New Year’s Eve, I hit send on a piece entitled A New Year’s REVOLUTION, containing 23 invitations for the new year.*
I started with this one:
“I will ask myself what I want and what I am willing to let go of to get there. Because you can’t just keep cramming more into your life. We must first subtract to make room.”
This week I answer the question of where I can subtract.
Here. I choose to create space for the newest version of me to emerge right here.
The former version of me began sharing these Friday Stories during the quiet days of the pandemic. The found time created by the GREAT Pause, complicated as it was, presented opportunities when everyone’s calendar of commitments abruptly ended. I filled that space with this writing practice where I have done so much of my own soul searching and created a wonderful community of readers interested in joining me. Your notes back to me about what my stories brought up for you have meant the world. That pause was not of my own choosing, but boy did I make the most of it.
The older version of me, despite decades of therapy, said yes to nearly everything I thought I should do. The metric I used to make decisions was whether or not I’d feel like a bad person if I said no. If something I actually wanted snuck in there, it was my good luck. It was the rare decision that was born of what I actually wanted. It’s pretty stunning how long it takes to see that pattern.
Now I understand that way of moving through the world resulted from deep cultural conditioning and habitual codependence. It’s quite a bit better now, but I must consciously build healthy boundaries in every daily decision. It does not come easy for me AT ALL. But it is well worth the discomfort and growing pains.
When you are doing things so people won’t be mad at you instead of acting from your deepest desires, you aren’t living an authentic life. Adding more and more and more just to keep the peace with your inner critic isn’t what any of us actually wants. It is misery making.
The good news is, I am now a woman who says no when her body sends a signal. Because of that, a quiet peace has descended upon my inner critic. We are now on the same side. Her new role is to tell me I have permission to be who I am.
So that brings me to this piece of news. Instead of continuing to add, I will subtract. I will send a story monthly instead of weekly.
I will miss the practice. And I will miss checking in with you each week too. My favorite thing about Fridays is the sense of community I feel when you, dear reader, engage on the topic upon which I’ve shared. It really is so fun.
But, over all things dear, I choose me.
So, I look forward to hearing from you, maybe less frequently here now that we’ll have more time between stories. Perhaps more on my essayettes on Social media, if that’s your thing. (@elizabethheise.coach on Instagram.)
Sending you love and the hopes that your inner wisdom is coming through louder and clearer these days too.
Love,
Elizabeth
WRITING PROMPT: What do you choose to subtract to make room for more of YOU to emerge?
*https://elizabethheise.com/new-years-revolution-2023/
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