Around mid-year in fifth grade, a girl named Rosalyn joined my class. She had moved to Albuquerque’s tiny South Valley, carrying an air of worldliness. Wavy black hair cascaded down her back. Her clear blue eyes, set off by an alabaster complexion suggested a maturity far beyond elementary school.
I’d never seen a child dress like her. A blouse with rich hues of purple and red, her pants a light gray. The fine fabric made me want to reach out and rub it between my fingers. She had a style that seemed to belong to her.
As I observed how she navigated her new environment, hot envy rose up inside me. Everything about her seemed so on purpose.
Rosalyn’s resting face didn’t require a smile. She looked everyone in the eye. Her manner with our teacher, Mr. Bruce, suggested she didn’t show up to impress him, or any of us, for that matter.
Of course, I compared myself. I didn’t carry any air. My air belonged to everyone else, filled with predictions of what they wanted from me. On my resting face sat a permanent smile, no matter what was happening inside me. My clothes were not special. The kitchen scissors left me with a nondescript kid-do.
Unlike me, Rosalyn fully inhabited herself.
I have longed to walk through the world like her ever since. As if I belong everywhere.
In the forty-three years since I met that striking girl, I have inched closer to self-acceptance. Unlearning who I believed I needed to be for other people has been a lifelong process.
Do I sometimes feel frustrated, believing I should be further along? YES. Yes I do. You have a front row seat to that every week.
But starting today, I am giving us both permission to be where we are at this very moment. If we were supposed to be different right now, WE WOULD BE.
I am not suggesting any of us settle for so-so or forgo opportunities to evolve. What I am saying is this:
You are never too late on your own journey.
Our level of consciousness is exactly where it should be right now and the circumstances in which we find ourselves are exactly what we require to get us to the next level. That is simply how it works.
The way to test the truth of that is to feel how that idea lands in your body. Does it allow you to feel expansion or contraction?
Here is a hint: TRUTH feels like freedom. And freedom is the sensation of unfurling, unfolding, opening out.
You are exactly where you need to be.
How does that feel?
AND ALSO. Of course we want progress because moving on up makes us happy and excited for the future. We all want that.
“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I change.” -Carl Rogers
When we are always looking at what we want to improve, where we want to be, and what steps we must take to get there, our precious energy is being spent and our thoughts are focused on what we are not. And how far away we are from our destination. Carrying around the weight of non-acceptance blocks progress and increases resistance to change.
So how do we move forward in a more self-honoring way?
Ask yourself this question:
How do I want to feel?
The answer must not depend on what someone else will do for you or that they agree with what you should have.* The answer comes only from your empowered self.
To illustrate how this works, I’ll give a disempowered example that could use reframing:
I want to be cherished.
That state of being depends on the actions of another person doing the cherishing, so that’s not it.
The question becomes:
How will I feel when I am cherished?
So, how do you get there? Keep asking yourself this:
What do I want?
I have gotten in the habit of asking it often. Right now, I want more peppermint tea and to ice my janky knee.
So I got up and did both of those things. Now I feel happy and motivated to finish this piece and get ready for my workshop. I will keep asking myself these important questions. And doing what I want. And building greater self-trust. Better intuition. To tap into my next right thing.
When you begin to honor your own wishes something shifts. You are no longer pushed by the pain of living in a way that doesn’t serve you. You begin to feel pulled by the vision of how you really want to live. One self-honoring choice at a time.
When you are in the habit of asking yourself what you want, you will be guided towards the kind of life that is not just okay, but EXACTLY what you always wished it would be.
Sound good? LET’S GO.
WRITING PROMPT: What do you want right now? How about in 2 years? 5 years? 10 years? How do you want to feel? What are you willing to do to get there?
Ready to start doing some work on yourself? Email me to schedule a free Discovery Session at firstname.lastname@example.org. Curious about coaching? Learn more at luckybirdcoaching.com And if you are family or a friend, I have an amazing coaching community ready to partner with you.
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*This bit of brilliance comes from a real coach’s coach, Natalie Miller, who I have written about before. I love her stuff so much, I joined her very witchy Cauldron. It is a game changer for me. Check her out at nataliekmiller.com