It’s been a pretty quiet year for my newsletter. The Quaker philosophy, “speak only if it improves upon silence,” has prevailed in this space. In our very noisy world, taking time for quiet allows what is inside to surface. That has certainly been true for me in this season.
As 2024 comes to a close, I will share the best thing I learned this year. This exercise helped me feel more sure of myself and more intentional in my relationships. It takes but a few minutes and the benefits will last a lifetime.
You will be writing two letters so you’ll need pen and paper and, if it’s available, a childhood photo of yourself. You may want to light a candle and be with that little one for a moment.
Here’s the idea. At some point when we were kids, our life circumstances changed how we related to ourselves and others. Perhaps a teacher or a parent said or did something that hurt. Whether it was a big something or a small something, we’ve all had something.
How old were you at that time?
What were the circumstances?
From your resourced, adult Self, put pen to paper and speak to the kid you were then. Let her know you really saw her for who she was. How she was affected by those around her and how she struggled. Express compassion for that younger version of you.
Next, switch the pen to your non-dominant hand. Let that little person write back to you now. Unless you are ambidextrous, it will be awkward. Switching hands is key because it puts you in the right hemisphere of your brain where your deepest insights reside. Allow your younger version to make requests of your adult Self. You will hear exactly how you need to be taken care of.
When you are done, read both letters. You may wish to journal further for additional insights.
When I did this exercise, it struck me that the second letter really was in that tender kid’s voice. The message that came through was this. The sensitive child inside me was so confused by the indifference she felt from the people closest to her. She was such a well intentioned, thoughtful, hard-working kid. To heal, she needs to be surrounded with warmth, kindness and honesty. Not everyone shows up with those qualities. That little one is counting on me to protect her when she’s not feeling it. And she made very clear, it’s okay to walk away or draw healthy boundaries when she feels unsafe.
First grade me
This insight helped me so much. As a woman in this culture, I have been conditioned to caretake, not to check in with myself on how I experience people I allowed into my space. Before I trained as a coach and did my own work, I really only concerned myself with showing up for others. This year, I have made a practice of checking in. The kid in me confirmed that this is imperative.
Am I feeling activated and stressed or calm and peaceful?
I am working on reducing the amount of time I spend around others who stress my nervous system. I have been reorienting to the fact that my sense of safety in the world is only up to me. This exercise revealed what I need and gave clear instructions on how to get it. That little one in me feels much calmer now that I received the message and I can feel it. Taking care of her is 100% my responsibility.
With this simple, self-honoring practice I am really looking forward to 2025.
Happy New Year.
Love, Elizabeth
WRITING PROMPT: What did you learn that has helped you the most this year?
Ready to start looking within? Email me to schedule a free Discovery Call at [email protected]. Curious about coaching? Learn more at luckybirdcoaching.com And if you are family or a friend, I have an amazing coaching community ready to partner with you.
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Elizabeth Heise
